This is a post in a series of reflections during the COVID-19 pandemic. To read other reflections, please go to the Pandemic Reflections page.
What has this pandemic been like as a mother of a young family?
Uno, Katelyn, Jaclyn, Evelyn, and I are all healthy and safe; and Uno and I are fortunate to both still have full employment so we can’t take for granted that we are in a position of great privilege compared to what many others are enduring in this pandemic. Our parents, grandmother, siblings, and siblings’ families are all safe and well. So by most accounts, we are doing pretty well.
But it has definitely been chaotic, joyful, challenging, exhausting, and anxiety-provoking, all at the same time.
As I’ve been connecting with those around me, it’s very apparent that an incredible and impossible demand has been placed on families to continue working at the same or higher output; to become their children’s homeschool teachers and daycare providers; and to patiently endure regular activities such as grocery and other essential shopping.
I wonder how this pandemic will shape how we do things moving forward, in the shorter term but also in the longer term and what it will mean for our girls and their future. In a silly way, I worry about if we will be able to properly celebrate Katelyn’s birthday at the end of July. Because then it means that we will be enduring this isolation for many more months to come.
“Mom guilt” is so real, and ever more so at a time like this. I have found myself constantly second guessing every choice and decision Uno and I have been making for our family. It’s hard to take ownership of my choices when we are living with uncertainty on such an unprecedented level. We recently got the girls into the City’s emergency childcare for healthcare workers. The girls have been enjoying the daycare and they are together in the same room which has been helpful. But I really worry about their risk of exposure to the virus since one of the locations had a COVID outbreak a few weeks ago. I find myself questioning if we made the right decision putting the girls into this care, especially for Katelyn who likely has asthma and therefore is at higher risk. Rationally, I know this decision makes sense for us given Uno has to go into work every day as a frontline health care worker, and given I continue to be on standby for redeployment at my hospital. But emotionally, I would have rather kept the girls near me, and at home. Which, for those who know me, is a big statement considering how much I normally relish my kid-free time haha.
I have also been spending a lot of time worrying about Uno. He is in close contact with COVID patients on a daily basis. Although he is such a calm and positive person, I can see that the stress and fatigue is wearing down on him.
At the same time, we have also been able to share many beautiful and joyful family moments during this time. Jaclyn and Evelyn have started potty training, and it’s truly become a family affair as Katelyn and the twins cheer each other on and proudly show their accomplishments in the potty to the whole household. We’ve been enjoying more dance parties, yoga time, play time, and story time together. And let’s be real, a lot more tv and movie time as well!
The beautiful thing is that all of this is showing how resilient people can be in the small and mundane everyday that has now become our normal. A common theme seems to be that people are re-evaluating their priorities. As a mom of a young family, my heart’s desire is to fiercely protect my family and nurture their happiness, but I am weak and tired. So much is literally out of my control, and at this time more than ever, it is truly my lifeline to surrender everything to God. And more than ever, Uno and I are deeply grateful for our St. Tim’s community. Everyone’s love and support for us and our girls has been truly healing and transformative in terms of our church and spiritual experience. From our family to all of you, thank you so much for your prayers, love, and support.
This is a post in a series of reflections during the COVID-19 pandemic. To read other reflections, please go to the Pandemic Reflections page.
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