Last night, we reflected on the spirituality of rest. Rest is not a means of taking care of our physical needs. Rest comes from letting go of our desire to be productive and successful – which is what burdens us the most. It is surrendering all that we have done, as well as our desire for control in God’s hands. Rest is not one of, but the most important thing in life. It is built into our creation. It completes our existence.
God gave us the gift of rest so that we can slow down. We are like cars going over 120km/hr. One thing about speed is that it’s addictive. God’s invitation to rest slows us down. Slowing down allows us to create a space for reflection. That’s what we did last night. Rest, in that sense, is connected to a REFLECTIVE life.
When we rest and reflect, we experience everything clearing up. All the fog dissipates in our horizon. We become more attentive to how we are, where we are, and what’s around us.
But once everything clears up, we always come face-to-face with this one thing. Perhaps this is why most of us don’t want to rest or reflect. We come to see HOW FAST WE’VE BEEN GOING. We see HOW WE’VE BEEN SLEEPWALKING THROUGH LIFE. We see HOW LOST WE ARE. There’s a poem that describes this well. It comes from Dante’s The Divine Comedy. It begins with this—
Midway along the journey of our life
I woke to find myself in a dark wood,
for I had wandered off from the straight path.How I entered there I cannot truly say,
I had become so sleepy at the moment
when I first strayed, leaving the path of truth…
Up until then, we thought we were being busy, productive, efficient, and logical – living what we thought was a ‘good’ life. Then we realize we really haven’t been living. We were doing everything and nothing. We were everywhere and nowhere. It’s an uncomfortable truth, even painful.
Some of you spent the last few months studying St. Paul. Even St. Paul himself had to face this uncomfortable truth at one point in his life.
Paul was a smart, intelligent and brilliant man. Born a Hebrew of the Hebrews, a member of the Israelites. Hard-working, well-educated, one of the elites. Righteous and blameless under the law. A ‘perfect’ person, one might say. I’m sure many aspired to be like him.
As a Pharisee, Paul genuinely believed that he was living a good life. He worked harder than anyone else. His passion and zeal couldn’t be matched. Yet he was completely oblivious to how ‘fast’ he was going. Nothing could stop him. It wasn’t until he heard the voice of Christ on the road to Damascus that everything came to a FULL STOP for the very first time.
He [Paul] fell to the ground and heard a voice saying to him, “Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me?”
Acts 9:4
Imagine how CRUSHED he must’ve been when he heard this. He thought he was living for God. He thought he was doing what was good and righteous. But in reality, he was PERSECUTING God and his people. He was doing the exact opposite of what he thought he was doing.
Paul saw nothing but DARKNESS. Luke tells us that his eyes were open, but he couldn’t see anything. It’s a picture of DESPAIR. I’ve lived my life for nothing. I’ve come all this way thinking I knew everything. I don’t even know who I am or where I am anymore.
What Paul experienced and felt, that’s also our experience. We thought getting into a good school would be the thing. After we get in, we wonder what we were so obsessed about. We thought getting this job and making this much money would make our life better and different. After a while, we see ourselves just going through the motions. One day, everything just crumbles. We wonder what we’ve been doing all this time.
When Paul heard the voice of Christ, it really affected him. It struck a nerve inside him. It pained him.
However, it wasn’t meant to be a voice of condemnation. The darkness he saw wasn’t meant it was all over. It wasn’t a sign of hopelessness about his future. It was meant to prepare him for something else. To SEE THE POSSIBILITY OF A ‘NEW’ LIFE. Life that God had in store for him. Life completely different from the one he had lived.
Paul’s darkness did not last forever. After three days, his sight was restored. He regained his strength. He received the Holy Spirit. He started to living a NEW life. No longer as a destructive instrument of hatred and division, but as God’s CREATIVE instrument of LOVE and UNITY. The entire DIRECTION of his life changed.
Just because you see darkness in your life now, don’t be discouraged. Don’t lose hope. Don’t think you’ve messed up for good. It may be a part of your journey, but it’s not the end. In order to be FOUND, we must know what it’s like to be LOST.
The fact that you can now see how you’ve been living, though it may be uncomfortable and painful, is a gift and a blessing. We don’t learn anything except by experience. Have faith. God is preparing you to see what you couldn’t see before. What you couldn’t see when you were running around frantically. New possibility. New life. You will see and hear God’s invitation to CHOOSE LIFE.
That is what the Israelites experienced before they entered the Promised Land. They had spent 40 YEARS in the desert. But it didn’t have to be 40 years. They could’ve reached the Promised Land in no time. When they had the chance to, they refused at first. They were afraid. They thought they had better plans than the one God had for them. But that ‘better’ plan left them circling the desert for 40 years. It was only when they realized how lost they were that they heard God’s word and promise to them once again. Right before they entered the Promised Land, God said these words through Moses—
I call heaven and earth to witness against you today that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. CHOOSE LIFE so that your descendants may live, loving the LORD your God, obeying him, and holding fast to him, for that means life to you and length of days, so that you may live in the land that the LORD swore to give to your ancestors, to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob.
Deuteronomy 30:19, 20
This is neither a bargain nor superstitious threat. You do this OR else… Listen closely. God is simply laying out that in life, there are TWO paths. Path of DEATH, and the path of LIFE.
Path of death was what the Israelites (and St. Paul) once chose. It is what we often choose. Path that is always predictable, convenient, popular, and easy. Path that doesn’t require much thought.
God’s desire for us is to choose the path of life. Path that might be narrow and difficult, but ultimately fulfilling. Because God’s ultimate desire is to bless us. But God can’t bless us if we don’t want it.
That is my hope for all of you. To choose life, not death.
Choosing life contains many layers and meanings. It is choosing TO LIVE OUR LIFE FULLY AWAKE, not asleep. It is choosing TO LOOK BEYOND MY NEEDS and WANTS. It is choosing TO LOVE AND SERVE GOD and OTHERS. It is choosing TO BE AN INSTRUMENT OF BLESSING. It is choosing TO BE A FORCE FOR GOOD in this world. When we choose life, that is when we truly REPENT.
We usually speak of REPENTANCE in relation to SIN. So we immediately think of repentance as not doing ‘bad’ things. The root meaning of sin is ‘missing the mark’. It has to do with our turning away from where there is life and blessing, and choosing death and curses instead. In that sense, to repent is to turn back to what we once turned away from.
I’m not asking you to switch your careers. I’m not asking you to drop out of your programs. I’m not asking you to change all the current things in your life. When I say ‘choose life’, I’m not talking about the WHAT. I’m talking about the HOW. What we do in life is secondary to how we live our life. It has to do with our attitude and our heart. Choosing life is about SHIFTING our focus and perspective!
So far at this retreat, we’ve had a chance to rest and to reflect. Now we have a chance to REPENT. To turn away from our old ways and to a new way of life. Turn our eyes from a small world of certainties and to a new and bigger world of JOY, WONDER, and DISCOVERY.
How have you been living your life until now? How do you want to live your life in this new year?
You are FREE to choose. Don’t waste your freedom on yourself. Use your freedom for good. Surrender all your hopes and dreams to God.
God will inspire you with a NEW VISION for your life. God will give you the COURAGE to march forward into the new year with confidence. God will equip you with the STRENGTH to embrace the uncertainty and handle any challenges that come your way.
I pray that 2024 won’t be a year of tiredness, but of joy. Year of choosing and living LIFE. I want to see joy RADIATING from your eyes! I pray that we’ll be able to share that joy with one another and also inspire others toward the life of joy in God.
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