It’s great to be here with you all. This retreat is extra special for me. Not just because it’s my first time speaking here. In two days, it will mark my 7 years of being at St. Tim’s. I started here on January 1, 2017. I met Taebin, Joel K, Monica (송이) and Kayla in KSM Hi-C. I also vividly remember the Hi-C Summer Retreat that year. Most of you were there. Caitlin, Braeden, and Gene came up from Kids Church as the new Grade 7s. When we went to the beach, I hung onto Torrance’s back and tried to submerge him in the water. On the last night of the retreat, Jonathan shared his fears and worries about going off to university and we prayed together. Now, 7 years later, I see a familiar picture in front of me. Yes – a lot has also changed since then. Some have moved on from this community. New faces have joined. All of us have gotten older, gone through different life stages, and experienced many things along the way. Yet, we are still here and have gathered for another retreat. I’m very thankful for that. I hope we can all recognize how blessed we are to be able to journey through life together like this. Faith, in that sense, is so central to our life. I pray that this will be a special, unique and meaningful retreat.
I want to begin by addressing the ‘elephant in the room’. Or, if I may put it differently, the ‘elephant in THIS room’. Whenever I speak with you, I hear this come up at least once. Even when you don’t say it out loud, I can feel it. I see it in your eyes.
I AM TIRED.
You may not feel all that tired right now. Most of you are on winter break. Some of you are off work for the holidays. We’ve gotten good sleep since then. Now we are away with our friends, having a good time. We may feel uplifted and energetic.
That’s good. But I don’t think that’s necessarily what we mean when we say that we are ‘tired’.
If we stop everything we are doing and take a moment for ourselves, we will notice that deep down, we are still… TIRED. So it’s more than how we feel physically. Our tiredness has to do with all of our being. PHYSICAL, EMOTIONAL, and MENTAL. No matter how well we might sleep, we see that it’s still there. In that sense, it’s got nothing to do with being busy. We feel just as tired when we have plenty of time to ourselves. We feel LETHARGIC. The closest I can compare this is to what it’s like when we are recovering from Covid. The tiredness lingers. We feel depleted, joyless, and lifeless. No taste, inspiration or excitement for life. We go through each day like zombies. We don’t know what to do about it.
Our tiredness is not some random, mysterious phenomenon. I believe that our tiredness stems directly from the ABSENCE OF REST in our lives.
To us, this may sound like an obvious thing. Of course, we need to rest when we are tired. But as I already mentioned, we still feel tired after we rest. Then what? When I say that there is an absence of rest in our life, I’m saying that we are not really resting. We don’t know HOW to rest. We live with a very surface understanding of rest.
Rest is MORE THAN taking care of our physical needs. Sleeping, eating, and exercising make up only one aspect of rest. And yet, we think that’s all we need to rest. In a sense, we’ve turned rest into a MEANS of living. Our relationship to rest is entirely FUNCTIONAL. Something that we do IN ORDER TO do something else. I do it so that I can perform much more efficiently. I do it so that I can achieve high marks. I do it so that I can feel good. Rest is only a tool and nothing more. But it’s a tool that seems to malfunction quite often.
Just as our tiredness is not only physical, but also mental and emotional, proper rest has to address all those needs as well. Rest, then, has to be more than just a means. It has to apply to all aspects of our life. It has to relate to the whole person. Rest has to be SPIRITUAL.
This is what I would like us to reflect on tonight. SPIRITUALITY of REST. Rest, at its core, is spiritual. The rest we want is the same thing as being physically DEAD. The rest we need is what will make us ALIVE. When we have a spiritual understanding of rest, we will no longer be enslaved to our tiredness.
We human beings did not create rest. GOD created rest. The very first story in Scripture illustrates that clearly. It was God who first rested.
On the sixth day God finished the work that he had done, and he rested on the seventh day from all the work that he had done.
Genesis 2:2
This one verse alone gives us a clear sense of what REST is. We don’t rest in order to do more work. In fact, it’s the reverse. We work in order to rest. Rest is the CLIMAX of our living. More importantly, we rest FROM the work we’ve finished.
On the sixth day God finished the work that he had done, and he rested on the seventh day from all the work that he had done.
Genesis 2:2
In other words, we enter into rest when we LET GO OF ALL DESIRE TO BE PRODUCTIVE. When we SURRENDER OUR DESIRE TO BE IN CONTROL. True rest is found when we LET OUR LIFE BE, and when we LET OURSELVES BE.
God created the heavens and the earth. But on the seventh day, God left everything just as they were. Every part of God’s creation had a life of its own. God simply let them be. God didn’t create more to prove how great and powerful he was. God enjoyed his creation. God blessed the day and made it holy.
On the sixth day God finished the work that he had done, and he rested on the seventh day from all the work that he had done. So God blessed the seventh day and hallowed it, because on it God rested from all the work that he had done in creation.
Genesis 2:2,3
We call this the Sabbath. The day of REST. The sabbath is also the day of worship. Some of you’ve heard this before. We don’t keep the sabbath in order to work the upcoming five, six days of the week. The six days of the week exist FOR the sabbath. The sabbath is the climax of our life. God created the sabbath for us. It is not a means for something else. The sabbath COMPLETES our existence.
Letting go of our desire for productivity and success – it sounds so simple, yet it is the most difficult thing to do. We don’t leave ourselves alone, not even for a moment. We never slow down. We refuse to let ourselves just BE. We don’t even realize that we’re doing it. We live compulsively and are always out of breath.
The compulsion to be active, to produce and to perform, leads to breathlessness. Under the weight of their own doings, humans suffocate.
Byung-chul Han, Vita Contemplativa
I believe that at the root of our stubborn refusal to let go lies our FEAR OF FAILURE. Fear of NOT MAKING IT. Fear of NOT BEING AS GOOD AS OTHERS. Fear of THINGS NOT TURNING OUT THE WAY I WANT. Rather than letting go, we try everything NOT to deal with this fear. We keep ourselves occupied – with work or other distractions. Or, we adopt the attitude of indifference and laziness.
Jesus understood this fear very well in people. He saw this fear as the source of all anxiety and restlessness. He saw how much it BURDENED people’s hearts. He saw that even the most accomplished and successful people were tired and weary in spirit. That’s why he said this—
Come to me, all you who are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
Matthew 11:28-30
We know these words well. But how do they speak to you this time?
Whatever it is you’re holding onto so desperately, let go. LET YOURSELF BE. That’s what Jesus is saying. BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF. Don’t listen to the voices of this world that tells you to do more. LISTEN TO MY VOICE. I won’t add to your burdens, but share in your burdens.
You don’t have to be a good Christian to find the rest Jesus gives. Pay attention to what he said. He said, “…ALL you who are weary and are carrying heavy burdens.” Jesus’ invitation is to all of us who are weary and burdened. All we need to do is listen and receive God’s grace.
God’s relationship to us is not transactional. Human relationships operate on, “What can you do for me?” That’s not how God relates to us. God’s relationship to us is one of care, acceptance, and love.
Only by God’s grace, we can overcome our fear of failure. With God’s grace, we can let go of our desire to be productive. With God’s grace, we can find our rest. God’s grace is sufficient for you.
You’ve made a long, winding journey to get to where you are today. Look at your life. Was it purely your brilliant plans and decisions that got you here? You did what you could, and the best you could.
But your life was more than your plans and your decisions. There were times you didn’t give it your all. There were things that happened without your own doing. And when you felt completely discouraged about yourself and your situation, someone lent you a helping hand or things somehow worked out on their own. Things may not have worked out the way you thought, but by God’s grace, you made it through and you are here today. God took care of you. God’s grace has manifested in real, concrete ways in your life. God has shown you his grace so that you can trust in him and find the rest you need.
REMAIN IN ME. That’s what Jesus also taught. His disciples were fearful of their own survival. They had no room for rest in their hearts. Their hearts were gripped by fear and anxiety. So Jesus said to them—
I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.
John 15:5
As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.
John 15:9-11
We live trying so hard to be the healthy, living branch. But we forget to be in the vine. You don’t become a branch by trying to be or look like a branch. It’s not about constructing a certain ‘image’.
You exist as a branch, full of life, by REMAINING in the vine. You simply REST in the vine. There’s nothing else you have to do except that. That’s it. Everything else will follow. You become HEALTHY and ALIVE.
Are you weary and tired? Don’t focus on trying to rest by resorting to quick fixes. It’s like trying to force yourself to sleep. It only makes you more anxious. Instead, cultivate the practice of remaining in God. Slow down and allow yourself to be. Trust in God’s grace for you. Your life is safe in God’s hands. Drink from the well of God’s love and receive his gift of rest. You will find peace in your heart. You will enjoy your life for what it is, not what it isn’t. You will have room in your heart for others. You will see them as people, and not as means. Your will experience the fullness of life.
We are now approaching the end of 2023. This year has flown by. We are about to close another year and chapter of our life. We could’ve just let it pass by. But we are here. I want us to take this moment to allow ourselves to slow down. Let us reflect on the journey we’ve been on. Without slowing down, we can’t reflect.
Reflecting doesn’t mean fixating on our problems. Without focus and direction, our reflections can easily turn into endless and destructive navel-gazing. That’s not what spiritual reflection is about. Spiritual reflection involves seeing our life and ourselves clearly IN LIGHT OF God’s grace. We start with our concrete situation here and now, but what we do ultimately is to look to what God is doing in our life. So in your groups, I’d like you to reflect on these questions:
- What has been a source of burden for you this past year?
- How has God been gracious to you this past year?
- What is God calling you to “let go” to find your rest?
Be sincere and honest in your sharing. You don’t have to rush. Take your time. When you listen to others, be attentive and gracious. Just as God invites us to rest in him, when we are present for another person, we are inviting them to rest in us.
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