This is a post in a series of reflections during the COVID-19 pandemic. To read other reflections, please go to the Pandemic Reflections page.
Our daily lives are all being affected by Covid-19 and we are all feeling the impact of this pandemic in unique ways. I would never have thought this would be the context of my journey to motherhood and it has been a very real adventure full of ups and downs.
So what has it been like for me to be pregnant during this time?
Some of the worries definitely include extra concerns about the health of my baby both during pregnancy and after birth. Hospital protocols have become much stricter and my husband Steve is no longer allowed to join me for ultrasounds or other appointments but my bigger concerns are around when baby finally comes.
When my nephew was born last year, I remember both sides of the family were all gathered in anticipation at the hospital for his arrival. There will definitely be no extra visitors for our baby’s birth and I wonder how long even Steve will be allowed to stay with me in the hospital. Just for delivery? A couple of hours afterwards? When will family be able to meet our daughter? How about friends?
Sometimes I feel conflicted over celebrating life in the midst of so much illness and death. As we anticipate our own baby, I also know 4 moms who have given birth in the past month and their happiness welcoming a child in these times gives me encouragement and hope. In the same month, one day while watching the news, we sadly found out a neighbour on our floor lost his mother to Covid-19. Life and death happening all at once can feel overwhelming.
Steve and I are very fortunate to be able to be working from home and this has given us a gift of time to slow down and prepare for baby in different ways and enjoy this time before our lives change in a big way. Simple things like daily walks have become opportunities to stay present, grateful and reflect.
And as I reflect on becoming a parent, I also find that I am deeply reflecting on my identity and dependence as a child too: a child of God. I am reminded that I am not in control and that God is. As His child, God doesn’t expect me to understand everything or be able to figure everything out all on my own. I hope that I can trust my loving Father to be with me, strengthen me, take care of me and guide me as I hope my child would trust in me as her parent. As I carry this baby inside of me, and look forward with hope to the day I can meet her, I am reminded that I am carrying hope inside of me. In this unexpected situation, all of us, not just pregnant mothers, in our own ways, are carrying a living hope inside of us that will see us through the hard times.
In this time of physical disconnection from our church family, I am that much more grateful for the support and prayers of the St. Tim’s community. The pastoral staff and elders have reached out and shown their care for our babies and us as parents to be.
There are many expecting families at St. Tim’s this year. Just the fact that we are not going through this alone and have this group of families is a great comfort. On behalf of all of us, thank you for all your continued love and prayers.
This is a post in a series of reflections during the COVID-19 pandemic. To read other reflections, please go to the Pandemic Reflections page.
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