Seeing Ourselves As We Are

This is a post in a series of reflections during the COVID-19 pandemic. To read other reflections, please go to the Pandemic Reflections page.

When Simon asked me if I would share some thoughts on my experience during this time of isolation, I was hoping that in some way, my experience might resonate with some of you, and that together, we might be able to see some light in this darkness.

Like many of you, I’ve experienced the loneliness of being separated from the life I’m accustomed to, the ability to roam freely, and do the things I enjoy.  With my freedom being so severely restricted, I’ve had an opportunity to consider the things I’m missing most.  While this often makes me sad and frustrated, it also allows me to reflect on where I may have been missing out on an opportunity for gratitude before this all happened.

For one thing, I miss my work.  It’s a reminder of the saying that we don’t know what we’ve got ‘til it’s gone.  And although I’m fortunate enough to have a job I’ll eventually go back to, not being able to work right now feels rough, like part of my purpose has been squashed.  This is significant to me because I don’t think I recognized how important my work was to me before isolation began. 

My work gives me an opportunity to use the gifts God has given me to help administer justice, and to be compassionate and fair.  In this role, I feel like who I am actually matters, as part of my design is to be this and to do this.

We’re told that on our deathbed, what will matter most is that we loved and were loved.  I believe this to be true.  Unfortunately, it’s not easy to feel loving when people are together day in and day out continuously, even those we love.  

We are created to be together but we also need time alone.  These days, it’s hard to adjust to this life where we’re isolated but also with the same people all day long.  Too much of a good thing doesn’t feel like such a good thing.  Unfortunately, despite Hallmark images of families baking, cycling and playing board games together, it’s not always that rosy.  Personalities and interests clash, and people get agitated by others in their space 24/7.

Whereas we may have been able to escape through other activities before, we now have the choice to either spend more time with our roommates, or spend more time with ourselves.  Both of these options are challenging, and cause us to see the cracks in our relationships and in ourselves.  The strongest of us fail to be comfortable alone in our own company for such prolonged periods of time because many of us have issues we’ve been able to ignore by immersing ourselves in other activities until now.  Now we have to face ourselves because there’s not much to do to distract ourselves.

We have an opportunity now to see ourselves as we are, and decide what we want for ourselves and who we want to be moving forward.  Never before have we had such an opportunity where we have nothing but time.  It’s tough to face ourselves but with enough trust and faith, there is the prospect of becoming who we are meant to be.  For me, this will be a time to not only try to be patient and kind, but also to have the clarity to see in myself and others the things God wants me to see, and the courage to change what needs to be changed.

This is a post in a series of reflections during the COVID-19 pandemic. To read other reflections, please go to the Pandemic Reflections page.