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A Life I Want to Live
I want to live my life with authority. Whenever my final breath is, I want to know that I’ve done my part to the fullest. I want to know that I lived out my unique calling. I want to know that I’ve done everything I can to make a positive contribution to this world. That’s the kind of life I want to live.
I don’t want to live looking over my shoulder. I don’t want to cower in fear of what others will think. This is easier said than done.
I know I still have my insecurities. I still desire the approval of others. But in my heart, I want to live a life true to my deepest convictions.
I want to live with courage. I want to live free to love others. I want to live a life that is uniquely my own.
I want to live with the power of God in my life. I want to be transformed to live according to God’s will. I don’t want to just settle for a comfortable and safe life. I pray that I may have the faith and courage to endure difficulties for the sake of my deepest beliefs and convictions.
Different Kinds of Authority
The chief priests and elders had great authority. They had great power. They were in charge of the Temple. The Temple was the center of Jewish life. The Romans gave them the power to tax every Jew in the Empire, no matter where they lived.
This authority came with many benefits. The Temple economy generated enormous wealth, and these leaders grew very rich. They lived in the best houses; enjoyed the best food; and had the greatest status among all of the Jews. But this power and privilege came with a price.
Their authority came from the approval of others. They became concerned with protecting their power. They were busy looking over their shoulder at what people would think.
We know nothing of what they really believed. They were not driven by their deepest convictions. We can only see fear beneath their awesome power.
This was their response to Jesus’ question about John the Baptist:
And they argued with one another, “If we say, ‘From heaven,’ he will say to us, ‘Why, then, did you not believe him?’ But if we say, ‘Of human origin,’ we are afraid of the crowd, for all regard John as a prophet.” So they answered Jesus, “We do not know.” (Matthew 21:25-27)
What a copout! No courage of conviction. No courage to say what they truly believed. Simply looking over their shoulder. That is a weak and flimsy authority.
John the Baptist was so different from these chief priests and elders. His authority came from no person.
He was a wild man who lived alone in the desert. He ate locusts. He wore camel’s hair. Many thought he was crazy or insane. But he had a power of conviction.
He knew what he believed in. And people were drawn to his message. His authority came from the response to his words. People believed him and were changed.
What kind of authority are we seeking? What kind of authority have we been living with?
Fitting In
Last week I was invited to preach at TKPC. That is the church I grew up in. It’s the church that shaped who I am. It’s the place I met God. It’s the place I learned how to be a leader. It’s the place I first felt my calling to ministry.
Being there brought back many memories. It made me think back to where we came from, where we’re at now, and where we’re heading.
The church was an important place for us. It was a place we felt safe.
Growing up in Canada as a visible minority took a great toll on many of us. It inflicted many little cuts and slices to our souls. We felt unwanted. We felt like outsiders.. The racism we experienced seared into our self-confidence.
The church absorbed some of this pain. We found some comfort. But it could not shield us fully. It did not help us reflect critically on our experiences. It did not help us deal with the pain to find new meaning from it.
We had to find our own way in the world. To survive, we had to fit in. Fit in our workplaces. Fit in our neighbourhoods. Fit in the circles that our children needed to belong to.
Fitting in became the key to survival. Many second generation became like the chief priests and elders. Looking over their shoulder became second nature.
They worked so hard to find acceptance in their jobs and careers. They enjoyed the lifestyle that came from this acceptance. Maintaining that position and privilege became the main concern.
In their quest to fit in, I wonder if we lost ourselves. I wonder if at the bottom of it, we are still driven by fear. Fear of losing everything we’ve worked so hard to build. Fear of losing enjoyment of what we have.
I wonder if somewhere along the way, we lost belief in ourselves. Belief that we have something unique and special to contribute to this world.
I wonder if we’ve convinced ourselves that this is as good as it gets. Just be thankful and appreciative for what we have and enjoy it. Just fit in and enjoy it.
Do Not Hide Your Fear and Pain
In church, we hear every week about how God loves us. We say amen. We say yes we believe.
But I wonder if we’ve become like the second son in today’s passage, who says “yes I will”, but then does not. We say we believe in God’s love for us, but do we live as if that’s really true? Do we live with the confidence and assurance of such love and live out our truest beliefs and convictions?
The second generation experienced so much pain. But this pain is hidden and buried deep in our hearts. To overcome that pain, we wanted to show how much we are acceptable. How much we can fit in. We ran away from the pain by fitting in.
In the Bible, God uses the pain of human experience to work most powerfully. St. Paul himself said that “when I am weak, I am strong, for power is made perfect in weakness.” God takes our pain and transforms it into something beautiful. But that only happens when we come face to face with it.
Jacob’s greatest fear was encountering his brother Esau. He had deceived and tricked Esau, and he ran away for many years. But now he was about to confront him after all these years.
The night before the encounter, he was all alone by the river. A man came to wrestle with him. They wrestled all night. Jacob would not let go. The man struck him in his hip socket and put his hip out of joint, but still he would not let go.
The man asked Jacob to let him go, but he said: “I will not let you go until you bless me!”
He asked Jacob what his name was. When Jacob responded, the man said:
“You shall no longer be called Jacob, but Israel, for you have striven with God and with humans and have prevailed.” (Genesis 32:28)
Jacob strove and prevailed. He paid a price for it. His hip socket was permanently out of joint, and walked with a limp for the rest of his life.
But he was blessed. From the fire of dealing with his fear and pain, he emerged as a new person with a new name and identity.
Live With Authority of Your Convictions
My friends, to live with authority, you must wrestle head on with your greatest fears. When you wrestle like Jacob did, God will bless you.
You will emerge as a new person. You will be free from fear. You will be healed of your pain. You will be free to discover your truest passions and convictions. You will have the courage to live according to them.
That is a blessed life.
We should be thankful that God has brought us this far. We are blessed in many ways. But we have another step to take.
To go beyond this safe place we are in and venture forth with boldness. To discover deeper convictions and be driven by them.
Let us be free of the need to fit in. Live an original life!
The great African-American author, James Baldwin, said this:
“The place in which I’ll fit will not exist until I make it.” (James Baldwin)
Make a beautiful life for yourself and others. Live life with the authority of your deepest convictions. I pray that all of you take this journey. God is faithful, God is merciful. God will bless you. And you will live your life with authority.
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