I’ve been asked to write a blurb on the recent parent workshop. I’m thinking hmm what can I write. Do I state that “it was a wonderful learning experience”, or why “it was unfortunate for those who weren’t able to attend”, or even that “it changed my life!”
Yes, the workshop was very good, but of course what we’re talking about here is a 2 hour information session. So what I’ll do is take you through my thoughts and emotions on some of the key points that resonated with me.
As Tori Smit began to speak I looked around thinking “wow, there aren’t that many fathers here”. Peter D Park was present but he attends everything. So much so that I’m surprised he doesn’t attend all the annual Hi-C retreats.
Leading the session, Tori was very calming with a pleasant tone to her voice. She began by saying that parents are the most critical influence for our children’s spiritual growth. Not surprising. Then she hit me with a bombshell. Fathers that were sensitive and emotionally supportive made a more significant impact on their children than mothers. This is such a departure from what I have thought up until now. I have always asked Darlene to be the sensitive, smiley, outwardly sympathetic one and leave it to me to be the cold disciplinarian. Since the session, I now stop and think when I am having discussions with my children. Have I changed? No. Will I change? Maybe.
Then a few minutes later I heard another bombshell. Tori said that a recent study showed that fathers regularly reading to their children had a more significant impact on their growth than the mothers. Can you guess what my immediate thought was? It was “what the heck do mothers have to do?”. Kidding, kidding. I know the mothers are going to hit me with that 9 month thing.
As I continued to listen to Tori speak I found myself starting to smile inside and I was glad that Darlene had decided for me that I would be attending the parent workshop.
One more eye-opener for me was when Tori said both parents that showed outward displays of their spiritual practice and provided spiritual role modeling have a very positive impact for the children. Our children need to see parents setting aside time for prayer and reflection. It was her follow-up words “so if you find yourself reading the bible, perhaps read it some place where your children can see you do this”. Very different from my personality. I like to think of myself as a private person.
Anyways now I’m thinking that in the future, when we’re at home and I can hear the footsteps of one of my children approaching and about to round the corner, I might just close my eyes, clasp my hands, and kneel down in prayer.
There were many other relevant teachings that Tori covered but I tried to cover the ones that really struck a chord with me.
One final thing I will write about is the topic of creating family rituals to create positive experiences for our children out of some very ordinary activities. Our family does something each Christmas eve and Tori telling us this was essentially a formal reinforcement of why what we do means so much for Darlene and I. I shared the following during our smaller table discussion. Every Christmas Eve we dim the lights, sit around the Christmas tree and sing lots of carols. At the end one person reads through the poem Twas the night before Christmas. Darlene and I started this after our first son, mini-me (Torrance), was born and have had the pleasure of doing this every year since then. On a personal level it has become the most anticipated event of my Christmas season.
So folks, this was the session. For those of you that were there I hope this session hit you in the same positive way it hit me. For those of you that weren’t there, it was a wonderful experience, it’s unfortunate you weren’t able to attend, and it changed my life. Well…just a little.
Bob Yoon
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