Session 1
Sermon Script
The theme for this retreat is, “Be A Friend”. Somehow, this theme came to me as soon as we finished our summer retreat last year. I thought it would be a fitting and relevant theme for us.
We all need friends in our lives. Think about your friends. What would your life be without them? It would be gloomier, more burdensome, and less fun.
It is because of our friends that we feel less lonely and isolated. It is because of our friends that we feel stronger, happier, more grounded and connected.
Friends are like the salt and the light. They enrich and brighten our life. Even having one good, close friend can make a big difference. Friendship is a treasure so precious that no money can buy it. I pray that you will find and experience the beauty and power of friendship as you journey through life.
Being friends, however, doesn’t automatically happen on its own. As I said already, we have to discover it and experience it. In order to have friends, we need to be a friend to each other. Sounds obvious, but it’s true.
This is what we will be reflecting together here, at the March retreat. What does it mean to “be a friend”, especially as a Christian? Does friendship mean more than what I think it means? I want us to move beyond thinking of being a friend as hanging out with someone we like and get along with. Instead of focusing on “making a friend,” how can I “be a friend” to others? They are all connected. By exploring these questions, I hope that our understanding of what it means to be a friend will deepen and expand.
All friendships begin this way. They begin with one person reaching out to another. That’s how Rev. Simon and I became friends. He reached out to me first.
Until that happens, the two people don’t have much of a relationship. They remain either acquaintances or strangers to each other.
I’m sure we know this in theory. But it doesn’t happen all that much in our life.
Why? Because reaching out to another person is scary for us. It is difficult and nerve-racking. It makes our mind go blank, and our body tense up, and our heart race like crazy.
So we constantly relate to one another from a distance. We never approach, but remain at an arm’s length. We “reach out” by “following” someone on social media. Yet, when we see them in person, we don’t speak to them.
Everything in life has become so artificial and impersonal, in my view. I see this as a big problem in our life today. People relate to each other based on their ideas of each other. We don’t know how to relate to each other as human beings. How can we “be a friend” to each other if we live this way?
Unless there is an actual CONTACT between two living human beings, we can never be a friend to each other. It’s like two atoms colliding. In that contact or collision, there is a spark (or friction), and out of that spark – FRIENDSHIP is born.
In order for two people to be friends, one person must reach out. There is NO other way. They have to take the first step toward the other. They have to break the ice. They have to cross the invisible boundary that separates them and the other person.
That was what Jesus did for his disciples. He redefined their existing relationship. The relationship they had for nearly three years.
I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.
John 15:15
Jesus’ relationship to his disciples was defined by a number of things. Jesus was a teacher (rabbi), and the disciples were his students. Jesus was the Son of God, and the disciples were ordinary folks. Simply put, they shared a hierarchical relationship. He was above them; they were below him. There was a certain line or boundary that separated them. That distance shaped how they related to each other.
So, by calling his disciples his “friends” rather than his servants, Jesus did something unexpected and radical. He reached out to them first. He opened himself up to them. He was still the Son of God and their teacher, but he made them see that even those things could not get in the way of them being friends.
Friendship isn’t only reserved for people that are in the same grade, or of the same age and gender. People who have similar likes and interests. People who speak the same language (slang). People who share the same ethnic background. These might be true to some extent, but if we make set them as the “standard” for who we become friends with, our friendships will always turn into cliques.
You find cliques wherever you go. Elementary school, high school, university, workplaces, etc. Even at church, you will come across them.
What kind of effects do cliques have? They make people who are not part of their group feel excluded. They create misunderstandings, conflicts, and division.
One of the things I like most about our Hi-C is that there are no cliques. It’s because you make the effort to reach out to each other. Yes – you have the people you are comfortable with. But you also keep the boundaries open and flexible. I always emphasize that to our Execs, and they do a wonderful job.
That’s how we can break the hard boundaries that cliques form. Not by saying, “we shouldn’t be cliquey”. But by continually reaching out to one another. By forming diverse kinds of friendship.
We reach out because God first reached out to us. That is the story of our faith. God reached out in order to be with us.
We often think of God relating to us like a parent. But God also relates to us like a friend. God spoke to Moses like a friend. God calls you his friends. Jesus came to show us that.
Isn’t that wonderful? When we reach out in love as Jesus did, we can be friends with any person – no matter what the differences are.
I’m your pastor. You are my students. But you are also my friends. Because God’s love is at the centre of our relationship. God has brought us together.
Turn to the person beside you. Say to them, “You are my friend.” Also, say, “I am your friend”. God has brought you together so that you can be a friend to one another.
As we begin this retreat, let us “be a friend” by reaching out to one another as Jesus did. Being a friend doesn’t end with our words. It continues with our actions. It shows up in our lifestyle.
Older students, don’t overlook or dismiss the younger students. This goes for the counsellors too. Instead, reach out to them first. They can be shy. Say hi. Talk to them. Take active and genuine interest in them.
Reaching out is not complicated. We think it’s complicated because we overthink it. It has to do with being sincere, honest, and open with the other.
Younger students, don’t run away or be afraid of the older students. Don’t put them on a pedestal just because they’re older either. Reach out to them first if you want. If and when they reach out to you, welcome them into your space. RECIPROCATE. Get to know them. Try and see how much you have in common, despite the age gap.
And to all of you – make it your personal “goal” at this retreat to be a friend to even one new person. You will have many opportunities. At meals, don’t just sit beside people you know. Sit beside someone you don’t know. Don’t calculate, but relate! During free time, invite others to sit with you and your friends. Don’t do it out of obligation, but out of love. Love is only experienced in the context of a relationship.
Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.
1 John 4:11, 12
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